This Too:

Why I Do Things
...such as posting twice in the same hour

Apocalyptic Fuji

An entire post of semi-creative writing (see below) is likely to be unpopular with those of you back home who wonder what my life is like here. Sorry about that. I think I've explained this before: that isolated moments convey much more meaning to me than the sum of this trip as a whole. That being said, I'm going to post some more Japan-oriented creative writing now. I guess I'm feeling bold.

This is a poem I recovered about a month after I got here. I wrote this last Summer, when most of my life was spent wondering about my future life in Japan. Anyway it was interesting to read while I'm here, back in Japan. I had forgotten about it completely. Maybe you'll find it interesting but probably you wont.


Fuji-Sama in Fog
a poem

Today, of all days, I stood alone
and ate a bar of chocolate.
I drank a bottle of water
scrubbed the sweat from my forehead
on today of all days.

The air was cool, thick.
I sat rocking on a train for hours
waiting to see it. See it's sprawl.
God-King. Emperor.
Waited a lifetime to see it
to see it today.

I Stepped from the train
tipped back my hat
and looked straight up into heaven.

Mount Fuji was covered in fog.
blanketed
It was hidden from my grasping view
I could see none of it.
Not it's shape, not it's base
no matter how far I walked.
If I walked forever, my whole life, still
I could only see twelve feet through the fog.

So I sat on a bench
and bought a bottle of water
and a bar of chocolate
and ate it in silence.
Looked at the fog all day.
Thought of pictures of the mountain,
God-King. Emperor.
rubbed my eyes until my vision was blurred.
Mount Fuji was covered in fog.

I sat until
the water smelled sweet,
and cut the richness of the chocolate.
Sat until my body thanked me
for sitting just to sit.
I sat until I remembered that on the train
I met a withered man
hunched with hands shaking.
He looked at me and smiled.
He must have been a thousand years old,
content just to sit on a train
worshiping nothing. He waited for nothing
and breathed in richness
wherever he found could find it.

-cwa

My Logic Ruins

Trip Alone to Tokyo
...and in the last minute

Naoki and I, two years ago..

It's very important to me that every once and a while I make a bad decision. Not the good kind of bad decision, either—the one's where you've taken a risk that pays off—but the bad kind of bad decision, where you shoulder the entire weight of your consequences. Where you just get slapped, full on in the face, by the universe. And your face stings for weeks. Sure, you learn something, but still...was it worth it?

Sometimes I have to make those kinds of decisions to stay grounded—to stay rooted in imperfection. Sometimes I have to not study for a very important test, or spend a bunch of money on something that doesn't matter, or start smoking again for the tenth time (I'm quitting now, Grandma, I promise).

I think I intended my last minute trip to Tokyo to be one of these decisions. Luckily, unluckily, it turned out to be the good kind of bad decision— the 'risk-taking pay off' kind. So don't worry.

I had been planning all week (kinda) to go because I wanted to see Naoki. I met Naoki when he came and lived in our house for a while, in Louisville. We were to host him as a foreign exchange student (another last minute decision, bear in mind) for three weeks. We had a great time, and he was the main reason my we went to Japan the first time (we being my brothers, and Dad, and Ben Ortega.) So I decided to take off and see him. I was going to leave on Friday, so naturally I went to get my bus ticket on Thursday. And naturally they were out of bus tickets for Friday. All they had left, the nice Japanese lady said, was a one way ticket on the night bus to Tokyo that night—Thursday night.

I try to be a good student so I left, decided to stay in town that weekend, go to my test review in the morning—whatever, whatever. But then the bad decision making thing cropped up and I ran back and bought the ticket. I was to leave in 3 hours, with no way back.

In Tokyo, I found out later, you can ride a panda around the arcade for only 100 yen. That was a good enough reason to go in itself.

I was really stressed out in the bus station. I had hardly talked to Naoki and I wasn't going to meet him until Saturday morning. So I had no place to stay Friday night and no way back home—but in line for the bus I saw some Kansai Gaidai kids and asked them where they were staying. They were very kind and gave me the number to the hostel where they were staying. I called it up and just like that I had a place to stay—and even the numbers of some white people to call if I got scared. I boarded the night bus, and by the time I noticed the seat next to me was empty, I was confident that this was the bad decision gone good kind of decision. I just had that feeling. And I had leg room. It was nice.

Tonight, I'm on my way

...oooh tonight.

They gave me an inflatable neck pillow, and an eye-mask, and some ear plugs, and then all the lights went out. I had nothing to do but sleep. Sitting awake in the dark and thinking was just too creepy. But the vibrations of the bus, and the light from the street lamps shooting by the window reminded me of road trips with my family when I was a kid so I slept, soundly, the entire ride. It was about a nine hour trip. But every once and a while I'd wake up at a Japanese rest area—packed with about 100 buses and full of strange Japanese snacks. It had just rained and everything reflected everything. Or those may have been dreams.

When I got there I just walked right up to the JR station and bought a night bus ticket home. So I had a place to stay and a way home and by 7 A.M. I was drinking Coffee and eating an egg sandwich in Excelsior Coffee and all was right in the world. On a side note, 'Excelsior' is something you scream in D & D (Dungeons and Dragons, duh) when you're happy. Kind of like “hooray,” but more ostracizing. I thought this was hilarious but try explaining that to a Japanese person so I just sat and laughed alone :(

I wasn't taking any chances with this guy...I smelled bird flu ALL over 'em...

I'm only realizing now that at this pace this entry will go on for weeks so I'm going to pick it up a bit. I'm sure you guys will appreciate my doing so because I'm very boring, thankyouverymuch.

Ah-hem. Back on track.

One reason for going to Tokyo alone was to perfect my bad-Japanese. Bad-Japanese is a hard language to speak and I needed training. That training came in the form of two girls, my age, from Kobe. They were standing in the train station, as confused as I was regarding what to do for the next few hours, and we went to Asakusa together. Three towering monuments in Asakusa: 1. An old shrine, which has now become a famous tourist attraction 2. The oldest theme park in Japan, which is washed out and faded and scary 3. Bandai headquarters, complete with life-size Ultraman models throughout. Cool.

So after eating Indian buffet with those two I checked into my hostel—which was in Asakusa, called Sakura. I went to sleep at 1 P.M., then woke up, bleary-eyed and completely confused, around 6 P.M. Then I met an Aussie traveling the world (don't they all travel the world?) and called the white kids from Kansai, who I met and chilled with the rest of the night. They were great people and I had a great time.

Naoki-San!
Ohisashiburi, desu ne?

When I woke up on Saturday around 9 A.M. I was so excited to see Naoki again. I hadn't seen him in years and when we finally met up, he gave me a hug. That meant a lot because they don't hug in Japan. Even the best of friends. Naoki looks the same, but he's a city kid now, and he dresses well. He kept trying to buy my train tickets all day but I made him stop. That day we chilled in Akihabara, which is the famous technology/toy district of Tokyo, and has a 7 story shop that's all robot stuff. Cool.

These were taken on Naoki's cell phone so they are off center. Whatever.

We were supposed to stay in his uncle's house but that fell through and we ended up staying in a capsul hotel. I guess I'll explain what that is: basically you pay about 40 bucks and get a room that's shaped like a coffin. They are stacked on top of each other and each has a little TV, plus just enough room to sit up, if you're tiny (or not me.) So we napped, then woke up, then met up the Kansai kids for a little Uno. The Japanese know how to play Uno, Naoki taught me. I'm glad that Uno is cross cultural, because if it wasn't I would just flip.

That was Saturday night. We slept soundly in our coffins and woke up to bathe around 10 A.M., Sunday. Soon after we left for Chiba, just outside of Tokyo, to see Naoki's work. I was also able to talk to Naoki's mom on the phone before we left and that was nice.

I'm big and dumb looking. This other guy is Naoki's good friend.

Naoki is very excited to be Assistant Assistant Manager at a Chinese Restaurant in Chiba. In Japan, when you have a job, it's your life. They take care of everything for you. Not just insurance, salary, whathaveyou but also a place to live and even a way to get to and from work, sometimes. So Naoki lives in an apartment owned by his work, with one of his superiors, in Chiba. I was introduced to his buddies, who he told me he is very very lucky to have. He has a lot of respect for those guys, and after eating a little Okonomiyaki with them I do, too. Naoki and his friends work 5 days a week. They get Wednesday and Thursday off and work from 9 A.M., to 10 P.M. I can't imagine this kind of life but he seem so happy with it, and that made me think—at least a little.

Naoki is the king of this castle...or maybe the prince.

After that we met up with the Kansai Gaidai kids in Tokyo for a little while before I had to catch my night bus at 11 P.M. Naoki and I sat in the train station together for a while—at some noodles, sat in not-awkward-at all silence, and then talked a while. When it was time to go, and we were saying goodbye, Naoki wanted to look a word up in his electronic-dicionary-phone thing. He pointed to the word, and it's translation was 'forlorn.' Now these dictionaries, they do strange things—bad translations, misinterpretations, and worse—but part of me thinks that 'forlorn' may have been the perfect word. And maybe this old friend of mine, this very-happy Chinese food cook, was truly 'forlorn' to see me go, to be alone again in Chiba. I may have been forlorn, too. Who knows.

He's the man. Bought me an Eva shirt, too. What a saint.

On the night bus home I listened to Feist. Her gentle rasp, her talk of Winter, her nostalgic Jazzy humming—it always makes me think about history. When I listen to her, I always wonder what I'll remember when my own voice is just a rasp, and when I'm writing songs, or whatever, about the past. I think maybe I'll remember trips like this one, but how can I be sure? I guess I'm glad I'm getting it all down now, in this oh-so-indulgent blog, and even though I'm sad to be making poor saps like you read it I'm happy it's getting done. Keeping this thing alive has been one of those very rare 'good-good decisions,' the one's where you decide to do something, and it turns out just right.